First Date or Sex First?

Several years ago, I attended a dating event at the Gay Community Center here in NYC. At that time it was called "Date Bate". I arrived with my friend Kevin several minutes before the event. We scoped out who was walking in and the guys inside. We had all ready agreed that we were going to do this and check it out. Kevin kept asking me if we should 'leave'? after several minutes it was too late to leave and the program was underway.

The moderator went around the room, had us introduce ourselves and say a few sentences about ourselves. This took some time as there were a lot of guys there. The next step was in 3 minute segments where we would mix and match socially for 3 minutes and then on to the next guy when the bell rang. I think the moderator gave us a question or a topic to discuss. And at some point we exchanged numbers. Not our phone numbers but some sort of card or number and these were placed in a computer and out came the matches.

Kevin got matched with 3 guys. I got matched with none. Such is life.

Kevin had to go on these 'dates without sex' or he could never do the Date Bate thing again. I just went home.

For the past few years Deeper Dating has been the dating event at the The Center. The theory is that you go on three dates first and get to know someone and then have sex later. Ken Page, the founder of Deeper Dating states "For those of us who base our lives upon deeper values, it is essential that we choose others with similar commitments". This sounds good for making close friends. But does it work for making boyfriends?

But I do wonder, does this really work? Most guys I know who have been in Long Term Relationships had met their partners at a sex party, bath house, bar, on the street, or wherever and had sex first... and then figured out the relationship later. What if you date someone several times and get along with them great, and then the sex is bad. What then? What do you do?

I really feel to be in a long term relationship sexual chemistry is essential. Sex and intimacy is what really what holds the relationship together. Picking out the bedroom set and what restaurant to go to or who does the dishes is all negotiable. The "relationship" can be worked out later,, but if the sex is not good and consistent,,, the relationship will end.

Deeper Dating also offers specialty nights like Deep Bear Dating and A DATE, A DREAM AND A DIAPER for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender singles who want kids or who have them already.